Dissapointed Already?

Some of my older kids came home from school today with a newspaper. On the cover was a very impressive picture of the National Mall during inauguration. The kids were fascinated by this. Andrew asked them what it was (we listened on the radio instead of watching so he hadn't seen). Hollee told him it was when President Obama was sworn in.
He says, "Huh?" which is classic Andrew. Head cocked, eyebrow up and all.
She says, "When he was swearing in to be the president".
A look of complete devastation came across his face. He could not believe it. We got a brand new president and he already had broken this kids heart.
He says, "He was swearing in"?
"Yes".
"Does he lie too"?
After we had stopped laughing we told him that there are two types of swearing. Cussing, and promising, we told him it was the promising type.

His faith was automatically restored. How cute is he?!

At It Again!

A little while ago our friends Clint and Amber came over for dinner. Our kids have known Clint for over 4 years now so they are really comfortable and have lots of fun with him. Well one of the dishes at our dinner was balsamic apples with shallots. These were being passed around the table quite a bit. Clint was helping out and dished some up for Andrew. Some apples fell on the table cloth right in front of Andrew's plate. Andrew looked at the apples, Clint looked at the apples, then before Andrew could get to them Clint stuck his fork in them from across the table and stuffed them in his mouth. Andrew looked at Clint in utter disbelief. His expression quickly turned into disgust.
Clint looks at him and says, "What?". Like he's all innocent.
Andrew looks at him and says, with a tone of voice like- you should have looked-,"There was a hair on that".
Clint looked a little something like this.....

....pretty much everybody at the table (excluding Andrew, he was the perfect picture of seriousness) bust up laughing.
Clint looks at him and says, "Why did you tell me? Couldn't you let me think it was ok?".
We all continue laughing as Andrew just looks at him and shakes his head.
Andrew took a few more bites of food, then calmly looked at Clint and says, "I was just kidding, there wasn't a hair".
The delivery of Andrew's first practical joke was perfect. He's a mischievous little guy.

Where Does It Come From?

I don't remember much from when I was five, but I'm pretty sure that I did not have an endless fountain of quick witted remarks to everything that was said within a 2 mile radius.
It is almost impossible to argue with or get mad at Andrew (my five year old). No matter what we say he always has something to say back. Now I don't think this really counts as back-talk. He is not saying these things to be snotty or get out of trouble, he just can not let an opportunity to make somebody laugh pass. It's in his blood.
Yesterday in church he was sitting on Timm's lap and would not stop being a wiggle worm. Finally Timm tells him that if he doesn't stop wiggling he will sit on the floor. So, instead of just stopping, he freezes his face and says, "ok" out of the corner of his mouth. Timm then picks him up and puts him on his lap (he had wiggled his way off) and Andrew is in freeze frame. He had his arms out like a zombie, his face in a grimace, and his legs are oddly splayed like he was just about to sit when he was frozen. Of course this is when the bishopric looks over. Timm says they just looked confused. How do you not laugh at that?
Of course that is just one of the dozens of things he does every single day. There is no way I could even remember let alone write all the things he says and does.

Now, I promised Dave that I would put in a blurb about Andrews underwear. I can't find any good pictures so it doesn't get it's own post. Dave saw Andrew running around in his unders (everybody has at some point, he doesn't like clothes) and finally somebody else thought they were as funny as I do. Andrew has these King Kong underwear, I cannot wash, fold, put away or lay out these underwear without laughing. On the back there is a big picture of King Kong destroying the city, but right on the front it says in big letters "KONG". A little funny right? But wait, look a little closer, is that a subtitle? Yes it is, it says "8th Wonder of the World". Seriously, it does.

Jack and the Donut

So we all know the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, but today we are going to tell the story of Jack and the Donut.....

The first Jack was a small, thin and hungry boy.

Our Jack was a small, fat and hungry boy.

The first Jack wanted nothing more than to be able to feed himself and his mother.
Our Jack wanted nothing more than to feed his fat belly.

The first Jack climbed a beanstalk finding a beautiful treasure that would buy anything his small family would ever need.

Our Jack had a yummy donut. Ate every bite of it, but that wasn't enough for him. He wanted his sisters donut too.

The first Jack took the treasure and was chased by an angry giant. He ran down the beanstalk and chopped it down, thus getting away.
Our Jack also took the treasure and was also chased by a giant (he was very tiny). Here is where we split paths for a moment. Instead of going down a beanstalk and getting out of reach of his giant he took his treasure and held it high above his head and ran away, but wait, isn't he smaller and just holding his treasure closer to the giant? Then how did he get away just like the first Jack? Luckily our giant was much nicer and thought that this was so funny that she let him have his treasure.

The moral of Jack and the Beanstalk? Sometimes you can screw up so badly (trading your cow for beans for instance) yet still end up ok in the end.
The moral of Jack and the Donut? It pays to be cute when you're not very smart.

Ninjas

A Strange thing happens to my children while I sleep. They all become ninjas.













I often wake up in the morning to find one or more children in my bed with me. Sometimes I will find them as I am falling off the bed because there is no room for me, but most of the time I don't see them until morning. I swear they are ninjas. We never hear them come in. We never see or feel them climb into our bed. Sometimes when I wake up sore from being cramped all night I swear they came, they slept, they left, all without us ever knowing.
They also have this uncanny ability to ninja creep into my room while I am dead asleep and wait until they are inches from my face and ask... "Mommy can we have breakfast?" "Mommy, can I play on the computer?" "Mommy, can we watch t.v.?" They never ask these question quietly. This scares me so bad I practically jump off the bed. I never hear them come in. Does this happen to all children or are mine just super elite night time ninjas?

Defiling The Innocence

Yesterday Andrew went to his friend Porter's house for preschool. After preschool the boys spent a few hours together playing. During this time while they were downstairs Porter's mom Angie went downstairs and walked in on this conversation...

Porter: Aaahhh, I landed on my nards!
Andrew: Porter? What are nards?
Porter: They're your balls.
Angie: Stop! No more!

I can just see them now, mischief on Porter's face, Andrew shaking his head and the horror on Angie's face (behind the giggles I'm sure she could not suppress).












I would now like to take this moment to thank one of our favorite families for either directly or indirectly teaching my children and my husband these phrases...
Nards
Nuts
Butt Munch
Short Bus
Chim Chim Cookie
Pinching a Loaf
Pimpin
"Don't punch me in the balls!"
_____ Nazi (fill in the blank with whatever is being withheld at the time)

(ok so I'm sure you didn't teach Timm, but you reminded him)

We love you guys!

Not The Brightest Bulb?

You know how people keep all their cleaning supplies under their kitchen sink? Not me, I can't. My kids like to play under my sink, especially while I am doing dishes. The little ones fit in there perfectly. Well today while I was watching my niece Sam I had two boys under my sink. Sam thinks this is hilarious. She goes over to the cupboard, opens it up and giggles then closes it and laughs her head off.
Now we come to the "dim light bulb" part. Sam is a 10 month old baby, she's tiny. Every time she opens up these average size cupboards to look inside she squats down as small as she can to see inside. Why? Who knows, there is no way she could possibly bonk her head standing straight up, but she doesn't seem to realize this and folds herself to half her size. This makes me laugh my butt off, I love it! Silly baby.

Oh and speaking of the "dim bulb" remind me to tell you about Jack and the doughnuts.