Jack and the Donut

So we all know the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, but today we are going to tell the story of Jack and the Donut.....

The first Jack was a small, thin and hungry boy.

Our Jack was a small, fat and hungry boy.

The first Jack wanted nothing more than to be able to feed himself and his mother.
Our Jack wanted nothing more than to feed his fat belly.

The first Jack climbed a beanstalk finding a beautiful treasure that would buy anything his small family would ever need.

Our Jack had a yummy donut. Ate every bite of it, but that wasn't enough for him. He wanted his sisters donut too.

The first Jack took the treasure and was chased by an angry giant. He ran down the beanstalk and chopped it down, thus getting away.
Our Jack also took the treasure and was also chased by a giant (he was very tiny). Here is where we split paths for a moment. Instead of going down a beanstalk and getting out of reach of his giant he took his treasure and held it high above his head and ran away, but wait, isn't he smaller and just holding his treasure closer to the giant? Then how did he get away just like the first Jack? Luckily our giant was much nicer and thought that this was so funny that she let him have his treasure.

The moral of Jack and the Beanstalk? Sometimes you can screw up so badly (trading your cow for beans for instance) yet still end up ok in the end.
The moral of Jack and the Donut? It pays to be cute when you're not very smart.

Ninjas

A Strange thing happens to my children while I sleep. They all become ninjas.













I often wake up in the morning to find one or more children in my bed with me. Sometimes I will find them as I am falling off the bed because there is no room for me, but most of the time I don't see them until morning. I swear they are ninjas. We never hear them come in. We never see or feel them climb into our bed. Sometimes when I wake up sore from being cramped all night I swear they came, they slept, they left, all without us ever knowing.
They also have this uncanny ability to ninja creep into my room while I am dead asleep and wait until they are inches from my face and ask... "Mommy can we have breakfast?" "Mommy, can I play on the computer?" "Mommy, can we watch t.v.?" They never ask these question quietly. This scares me so bad I practically jump off the bed. I never hear them come in. Does this happen to all children or are mine just super elite night time ninjas?

Defiling The Innocence

Yesterday Andrew went to his friend Porter's house for preschool. After preschool the boys spent a few hours together playing. During this time while they were downstairs Porter's mom Angie went downstairs and walked in on this conversation...

Porter: Aaahhh, I landed on my nards!
Andrew: Porter? What are nards?
Porter: They're your balls.
Angie: Stop! No more!

I can just see them now, mischief on Porter's face, Andrew shaking his head and the horror on Angie's face (behind the giggles I'm sure she could not suppress).












I would now like to take this moment to thank one of our favorite families for either directly or indirectly teaching my children and my husband these phrases...
Nards
Nuts
Butt Munch
Short Bus
Chim Chim Cookie
Pinching a Loaf
Pimpin
"Don't punch me in the balls!"
_____ Nazi (fill in the blank with whatever is being withheld at the time)

(ok so I'm sure you didn't teach Timm, but you reminded him)

We love you guys!

Not The Brightest Bulb?

You know how people keep all their cleaning supplies under their kitchen sink? Not me, I can't. My kids like to play under my sink, especially while I am doing dishes. The little ones fit in there perfectly. Well today while I was watching my niece Sam I had two boys under my sink. Sam thinks this is hilarious. She goes over to the cupboard, opens it up and giggles then closes it and laughs her head off.
Now we come to the "dim light bulb" part. Sam is a 10 month old baby, she's tiny. Every time she opens up these average size cupboards to look inside she squats down as small as she can to see inside. Why? Who knows, there is no way she could possibly bonk her head standing straight up, but she doesn't seem to realize this and folds herself to half her size. This makes me laugh my butt off, I love it! Silly baby.

Oh and speaking of the "dim bulb" remind me to tell you about Jack and the doughnuts.

The Title

This story is the straw that broke the camels back. After this happened I had to make a blog, too funny....

This morning Andrew was eating his breakfast and in between bites he was breathing pretty hard.
I asked him, "you having a hard time breathing through your nose buddy?".
He says, "Ya.............It's because of the worm that lives up there."
"What worm?"
"The worm that you told me lives in my nose"
At this point I lose it, I'm laughing my butt off. My mind starts whirring. Did I tell him a worm lived in his nose? What is he talking about? Then I remember. A few weeks ago I was reading a book (can't remember what now, something like scary stories for kids) and I started laughing. Andrew and his cousin asked me what was funny so I told them.
"Do you know that a worm lives in your nose and he'll bite your finger if you pick your nose?"
Apparently at least Andrew believed me. So I told him that I was just kidding, there is no worm in your nose. (He's not a nose picker so I didn't keep up the farce.)
The best part is, he wasn't in the least bit concerned that a worm lived in his nose all this time. So parents of nose pickers, this story is apparently believable. Oh, and Jessica, Braxton may think that a worm lives in his nose.

The Creation

So my sister Gabrielle is a blogger. Not just a blogger like you would think, this woman actually writes on her blog and people enjoy reading it. She frequently changes the background, I can't even put up a picture. She may even stalk blogs once in awhile but you didn't hear that from me. So despite the fact that she is a true blogger she has never bugged me about starting one of my own......until last week. Last week Gabrielle decided she knew the perfect blog for me and I wrote it off, but the more I thought about it the more I thought she may be right. Gabrielle told me that I had to start a blog about the funny things people say. That may not sound that exciting, but if you think that you haven't met my 5 year old, Andrew.....